Write Your Own Wedding Ceremony Overview

Thank you for your purchase of Lyssabeth's Write Your Own Wedding Ceremony Kit. We're here to make the composition of your ceremony a fun and creative experience. By using the instructions, materials and tips in this kit, you'll soon be crafting a customized script of your ceremony that will be a unique and memorable reflection of your love and commitment.

Many couples are opting to save money by having a friend or family member perform their ceremony. If you are considering this option, please take a moment to read our article on that subject, Having a Friend Perform your Wedding Ceremony.

Additional Tips are sprinkled throughout the kit. You'll find them in purple ink. Pay attention to them; they'll give you some extra ideas and advice for putting together your ceremony.

The Write Your Own Ceremony Kit contains the following:

*Ceremony-Writing Instructions (that's this page)
*Ceremony Worksheet
*Ceremony Template
*Core Ceremony Component Wording Choices
*Additional Ceremony Options
*Processional Options
*Processional/Recessional Worksheet
*Sample Ceremonies
*Helpful Tip Sheets & How-To's
*Bridal Emergency Kit Contents List

Write Your Own Wedding Ceremony

Writing your own ceremony might seem daunting at first, but breaking it down into small steps will have it all coming together in no time.

Tip: Start the process of writing your ceremony several months before your wedding. It will reduce stress and allow you to edit and revise without pressure of a time crunch.

1. Before you actually compose your ceremony, take some time to envision what it might look like. You don't need to imagine the actual words or order of the service--that can come later. But think about the feeling or image you want to convey. Here are 10 questions to get you started:

-Do you envision a long aisle with you making a grand entrance on your father's arm?
-Is an intimate gathering on the beach with no processional more your style?
-Do you want all your guests actively involved in the ceremony?
-Are there some special people you want to honor?
-Do you want any mention of God in your ceremony, or do you want it totally secular in tone?
-Will it be held outdoors or indoors?
-Have you been to a wedding ceremony and really liked a certain element or component?
-Do you want a ceremony that has some traditional elements or do you want it totally -unique?
-Do you need to factor in the beliefs and preferences of other family members (parents or grandparents)?
-How long do you want your ceremony to be?

2. Next, thoroughly read all of the options (Core Components and Additional Options) included in this kit. Then, review the Sample Ceremonies included in this kit.

Tip: The majority of the wording choices in the Write Your Own Ceremony Kit are written without religious references. We've found that it's easier to add a God-element to the wording than it is to take it out. As you are making your selections, don't focus on whether or not the wording reflects your religious preferences. You can always go back later and tweak the words by adding a reference to a higher power if you like.

Tip: You might prefer to print all of the Core Components, Additional Options and Sample Ceremonies. Then, as you are reviewing them, you can highlight the wording you like.

3. Print a copy of the Ceremony Worksheet. After you've reviewed all of the Core Components and Additional Options, go back and read them again. This time, select the wording you like and mark it on your Ceremony Worksheet.

Tip: if the bride and groom are writing the ceremony together, it might be easier to have each review their options separately. Circle the ones you like best and try to whittle your favorites down to your top two. Put the numbers on the Ceremony Worksheet. You can compare your choices later.

4. After you've chosen the wording you like and before you actually start to write your ceremony, discuss your choices with your partner. The time to realize that the two of you have very different opinions of how your ceremony should sound is not when you sit down to write it!

Tip: If you and your partner can't agree on wording, remember that you can have separate wording for Statement of Intention, Vows and Exchange of Rings. If you can't agree on wording for the other components, find out which lines are each other's favorites and then try making a hybrid of the two--using all of your favorite lines. This will make for totally unique "all about you" wording.

And now....to the writing...

5. Start with your choices for the Core Components. These are the elements contained in nearly every ceremony. They make up the backbone of your service and consist of the following (in the order listed):

Opening Words
Statement of Intention (a.k.a. the "I do's")
Vows
Exchange of Rings
Blessing
Pronouncement

Begin the draft of your ceremony. We've included a Ceremony Template in this kit. Open this page and copy and paste it into a word processing document. This will ultimately serve as the script of your ceremony.

Referring to your Ceremony Worksheet, copy and paste your wording selections for the Core Components onto the Ceremony Template. Begin with Opening Words and continue down the list until you've made some preliminary choices for all of the Core Components. Remember that this is just a draft. Nothing is etched in stone. The important thing is to get a skeleton of your ceremony script upon which you can build.

Tip: For ideas of how the order of things will flow, look over the Sample Ceremonies included in this kit.

If you want to tweak the wording you've chosen, leave that for later--just get the basics on paper. If you can't decide on wording for a particular component, just leave it blank. You can always come back to it later. Note: for now we're just going to work on the wording of the ceremony itself. We'll go back and add your processional and other finishing touches later.

Tip: Remember that you don't have to say the exact same words to each other for your Statement of Intention, Vows and Exchange of Rings. Sometimes it adds variety and interest to the service if you each say something different. That's perfectly fine.

Note that generally the groom goes first whenever the couple is asked to speak (see the ceremony samples included with this kit). While this is not mandatory, if you do decide to change the order, we encourage you to keep the same order throughout the ceremony. So, if you want the bride to speak first, have her do so consistently.

6. Once the Core Components are completed, it's time to look add your Additional Options. By this point, you and your partner should have a general idea of which of the additional options--if any--that you want to add. Generally speaking the Additional Options (with the exception of Hand fasting, where the couple's hands are bound throughout the Statement of Intention, the Vows and the Exchange of Rings) are placed in the second half of the ceremony. The reason for this is simple. Think of the logical order of things. The Bride and Groom arrive (Processional), the guests are greeted (Opening Words), the Bride and Groom state their reason for being there (Statement of Intention), the Bride and Groom make their marital commitment (Vows), and this vow is then "sealed" by the Exchange of Rings.

You're officially hitched! (Sort of.) Everything that comes after that is a celebration of the commitment that you have just proclaimed. Therefore, most of the Additional Options--which celebrate or symbolize your commitment--are placed in the ceremony after the commitment has been made--that is, after the Exchange of Rings and before the Blessing.

Tip: It is not mandatory to add any of the Additional Options (that's why they're called optional!). Your ceremony can be beautifully poignant with only the Core Components.

You may insert readings anywhere in the ceremony. The best places are after the Opening Words (before the Statement of Intention) or after the Exchange of Rings.

If you have more than one Additional Option, the order in which you place them in the second half of the ceremony is up to you. Arbitrarily place them and then see how one flows into the next. If it seems awkward, try reversing the order. See the Sample Ceremonies for ideas.

Tip: Adding more than three Additional Options might make your ceremony excessively long.

7. Now you should have a rough draft of the wording of your ceremony. This would be a good time to take a break. Review the ceremony the next day and fill in any missing wording. Make edits and changes as you like.

Tip: If you want to add more religious overtones to an otherwise secular ceremony, now would be the time to go back and edit your wording to reflect this. Have the officiant say a blessing over the rings (found on the Exchange of Rings page) before they are handed to the Bride and Groom. Substitute the phrase "holy marriage" or "holy matrimony" for "marriage". Include words and phrases such as: God, spirit, holy, blessed, Holy Father, in the sight of God, in the eyes of God, before God, sacred, divine, and holy spirit. Consider adding a prayer which can be inserted anywhere in the ceremony.

8. Now you're ready to add your Processional. This can be an art in and of itself!

Review the Processional Options list and discuss with your partner how you'd like this to look. There are many different choices for how you and your bridal party walk down the aisle. Factor in whether or not you have an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Also, since modern wedding parties often have gals standing up for the groom and guys for the bride, your wedding processional may not be traditional at all.

Once you've decided upon the format of your processional (e.g. attendants enter as couples, mothers are included, men wait up front and women enter singly, et.) you're ready to add names.

Open the Processional/Recessional Worksheet and add the names of your bridal party members as directed. Complete the worksheet as instructed.

Once that is complete, transfer the wedding processional order to the top of your Ceremony Template, under the heading of Processional. You may want to add the music that is to be played as well.

Tip: Often the Bride will have a separate piece of music for her entrance.

9. Now you're ready to add your Recessional. Generally this is much less time-consuming than the Processional. Bridal party members generally exit as couples after the bride and groom have walked back up the aisle together. If you have an unequal number of attendants, it's perfectly acceptable to have one man escort two women, or two men to escort one woman.

Transfer the order of your Recessional from the Processional/Recessional Worksheet to the Ceremony Template Sheet.

10. Now you're done! review and edit the ceremony. We've tried to include some general wording tips on the template, but it's impossible to anticipate all situations you might have, so you'll need to go back through and add finishing details. Examples might include:

        *Insertion of musical pieces that you want played during your sand or salt ceremony
        *Details of how stones will be given for the Bowl of Blessings
        *Who will perform the tying of the Hand-fasting service
        *Having mothers light the candles for the Unity Candle Service just before they are
        seated
        *Who will be responsible for setting up candles, placing flowers, reserving front rows
        for parents, coordinating with music-providers, etc.

Tip: You might want to look at the Sample Ceremonies in this kit to get an idea of some of the background things the officiant must do (obtain the rings from the ring bearer or best man, have people be seated, introduce the couple at the end of the ceremony, etc.)

Your next step will be to rehearse with your script. Refer to the Conduct Your Own Wedding Rehearsal sheet included in this kit.

And on the big day, don't aim for perfection. Strive instead for a joyous and memorable expression of your vows of love and commitment to each other. And have fun with it!